To be honest, I came to CGA in Georgia without really knowing why I was coming or what I was getting myself into. I came out of obedience to the Lord and in faith that the Lord’s plan for me was good. I had very few expectations coming to CGA (Center for Global Action, Adventures in Mission’s discipleship track) however it’s been even better than I had imagined.
I arrived in Gainesville, Georgia last Friday and moved into a huge house with thirteen other young women also in CGA. Prior to our arrival, we all had to have negative covid tests and for the first ten days we are all wearing masks indoors, except in our rooms and around our roommates. While understandable and important, this policy has been hard when it comes to getting to know these women who we will do life with for the next four and a half months. The expectation and goal here at CGA is to build trust and establish a vibrant and healthy community together, committed to each other’s growth, health, and maturity in the Lord, such as we had with our teams on the World Race. Thankfully, this brief season of separation too will pass, and soon we will be able to connect with one another as we had hoped.
We were all given the weekend free to get acclimated, grocery shop, explore the extensive property, etc., and then on Monday we had our first class. We began the morning session with an overview of what to expect at CGA, as well as Ben and Kaylaynn’s (the Adventures in Missions staff in charge of CGA) vision and hope for these next several months. Primarily through discovery-based sessions and life experiences, Ben and Kaylaynn hope to foster in us new levels of growth, depth, forbearance, and resilience, with a courage to boldly face even the darkest places in our lives. It is their desire for us to courageously trust the Lord from a place of intimacy, allowing the Lord to take us anywhere He desires. And finally, to refocus our perspectives to help us recognize and develop our unique strengths and giftings for the Lord’s purpose, all of which in community, learning as much as if not more from each other than from the staff, and most of all from Holy Spirit himself.
In the afternoon session we jumped right into regular class (apparently regular is overrated because class is going to look different every day, or so I’ve been told). Anyway, we started off talking about the topics of pain and fear of failure, real light stuff. But seriously though, it was a great several hours where we got real as we shared, discussed, and discovered what lies convince us as Christians to still live in fear of failure.
First, they asked us to ask ourselves, “Why am I afraid of failure?” “What is at the root of my fear of failure?” On the World Race, one tool I was given for when I am trying to answer hard questions like this was to ask myself “Why” five times. For example, “Why am I afraid of failure?” “Well, what is failure?” “Missing the mark, a lack of perfection.” “Why do I fear a lack of perfection?” Etc., etc., etc. until I get at the root of why I am afraid of failure. Afterwards we all shared, honestly and truthfully, choosing to trust one another and create a space of safety, and engaged as a class in very helpful and honest discussion. It isn’t really that surprising that a lot of us had the same or similar reasonings because we all struggle with fear of failure in some way or another, but since it is not the heart of the Lord for His children to be in a place of fear of failure, we took it a step further.
Next they asked us to ask ourselves, “What is my perspective on the Lord’s perspective of my failure?” “What are the lies that I am believing about the Lord, and what is the truth?” Through this process, the Lord gave me the realization that I have had a perspective of the Lord that while the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ covers my sins and brings me salvation, I had believed the lie that I can prove my worth in the “small” areas of my life, the “little” sins, and that my perfection can in some way earn my righteousness. Thus, a drive to perfection and fear of failure. Once this lie was exposed, the Lord began to show me the truth, that sins are not gradient with the Lord and that He died to redeem all of me. He is a Father who loves to forgive. Not a Father who is resentful that He must forgive, but a Father who delights to forgive. Yeah, deep stuff.
Then we talked about pain, yes pain. We had a group discussion on things like, why do we have pain? Is pain bad? We got real and brought up questions like does pain always have a reason? Does pain come from a fallen world? Did Adam and Even feel pain before the fall? A lot of questions, some of which we had answers to, some of which we didn’t. But since the point of the discussion was not to debate theology but how it affects how we relate to the Lord, and how we should view pain, we moved on and got real. This is honestly something I am still processing and bringing to the Lord, but as a class we talked about how pain is not bad. Pain is not the problem, pain is a messenger of the problem. Wow. What a way to end the first day.
So far, Tuesday has looked completely different. Surprise! We had one-on-one check ins with the staff, and while we were waiting our turns we fundraised, read assigned books, and I wrote this blog! As they told us at the beginning: Be flexible. Come hungry (for growth) and come humble. And now I can see why.
On a separate note, as you can see from my fundraising bar at the top of the page, the Lord provided $2,000 to meet my first fundraising deadline. Praise God! To continue this transformational journey with the Lord at CGA, I need to raise $3,950 more to be fully funded. If you would like to partner with me in this season of growth, please click the Donate button at the top of the page and follow the prompts to make a tax-deductible donation. Thank you so much for your donations and prayers! Until next time,
Christy
